User blog:Ioyka/Building Momentum

One of the many things that keeps holding me back is myself. This new year's eve has given me perspective. A view stretching as wide as a whole year, and in this timeframe my accomplishments are minuscule. "Am I lazy? Am I depressed?  Why can't I keep going?  Why am I sitting here on the cold kitchen floor at night?"

Many times I found myself asking those types of questions. None of these I can answer. Writing this is hard for me. I never really liked to talk about myself, personally things, or really... take any sense of pride in anything about me.

Two years and one month ago I began taking antidepressants. I talked with doctors and counselors, and while it was comforting having people to talk to. I became my own problem. I convinced myself that these problems were not my fault, but a chemical imbalance. Relying more on doctor's excuses became a reality. I believed that pills could fix this alone, or that pills were the problem. That when we found the right drug, and given enough time to adjust, I would become better. I was wrong.

Resolution
So this year, my resolution is to admit all my mistakes. I'm going to shrug off the weigh of all my troubles, embrace all my sins, and by understanding myself, build a better me. Regardless of medications, regardless of my situation. For starters I'm going to work harder at this Wikia. I want to build something I can be proud of. I also want to further my career in programming. Regardless of whether or not it's school project. If it's something I sincerely love, then I should be already doing it.