User blog:Ioyka/Intervention

My edits are becoming more and more distant. There's just not much progress going on. I know this is starting to sound like more and more excuses, but I really need to rant. These blog posts are starting to have a reoccurring theme of "Things I Would Say at an Group Intervention Session"

Laziness
Right after I became unemployed, there was this huge amount of relief lifted off of me and I decided I was going to channel all that time into something meaningful: the Wikia. Instead without having any type of stress, there was no push to get something done. A Wikia based on a game - I had to go back and play to look things up as I was working. (You can see where this is going.) Eventually I drifted away from working on the Wikia and instead started to game, a lot.



This is where my depression started to come back. Rift has always been my life-raft to grab onto. It was something I was good at, it made me happy, and I could come to it almost any time. That's one reason it's so addicting. Still I wasn't accomplishing anything and it knew.

There's this undying craving in the back of my head to be productive. If it isn't satisfied I start to feel really terrible, and because I felt terrible I became unproductive and went back again to gaming to make myself better. It's a positive feedback cycle that keeps empowering itself and making my life worse.



The second contributor to the depression is the fact that some people are just idiots. Relevant edit in healer page. I'm an introverted social hermit. On most days, the only interaction I need with people is to be around them. So, most of the socializing I get is within dungeons. Bad idea. So many times I have gotten paired up with a terrible group. With everyone else also being introverted, the only time someone speaks up is when something goes wrong. Day in and day out, this was all the interaction I was getting. From my small perspective it's so easy to just assume everyone was like this.

Stress
Even with winter break gone and school in session, there's zero stress in my life. My father, being the loving parent he is, tells me I'm a disappointment and he's cutting me off. Starting next semester, he's no longer going to pay for college. Unknowingly he did me a favor for once.

It's going to be tough, but that's the motivation I need.

I'll have to find a stable source of income. I haven't yet worked out the math. On a part time salary, a college semester may not be affordable. If anything, I can find freelance work with programming. There's a lot to be done, but I've been slow on it.

One of the things that has been holding me back was the quality of education I was getting. Treehouse offers incredible video lectures on the subject, but the $25 per month price tag is a turn away. Just this morning I did find they offer a student discount which brings the price down to $9.



If that doesn't work out, I'll just have to sit out a semester until I can afford it. But now I have the experience I need. Work and play is a balancing act. This is something I learned from the winter break. It also reminds me of that scene in The Shining. In the meantime, I'll get as much editing as I can. All editing and no play makes Jacka dull boy. All editing and no play makes Jack adull boy. All diting and no play makes Jack a dull boy.